Rules for Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse:
Follow these simple but crucial rules and you will survive any Zombie Apocalypses that come your way:1. Keep Moving:
It’s always best to move around constantly; never ever stay in the one area for more than 2 hours, yes I said hours not days. You’re supposed to be running from the zombies; not waiting for them to catch up to you.
2. No Loud Noises or Bright Lights:
Avoid both at all times. We’ve discovered that most – if not all – zombies are unconditionally attracted to both noise and bright lights. No we’re not saying that you can’t make some noise; that would be impossible, but keep it as quiet as possible. If you don’t; you’ll have 10 times the number of zombies coming your way and that makes it all the harder to avoid them.
3. Always Have a Back Way Out:
Always make sure you have at least 1 exit apart from where you came in. Especially if it’s only a small building such as the local supermarket. If possible make note of other possible exits as well, but always have at least one handy to make a quick getaway if you’re outnumbered. Yes; windows count as an exit... unless they're four storeys up, then your screwed.
4. Stay Together:
This is only valid if you are travelling with someone. Pretty self explanatory really; Don’t go anywhere alone – two or three people makes better odds than just one alone. Oh but just make sure you don’t travel with too many people; but that’s another rule altogether.
5.No Secrets:
Make sure that if you are travelling in a group that no one keeps secrets from anyone else. Everyone has to be honest – that way you stay alive longer. For example; if by some unfortunate circumstance you do get attacked and bitten, don’t just keep it to yourself; Let Everyone Know About It. It might not be a happy thing to be admitting but think of everyone – not just you. You’ll be putting all the people with you in danger if you’re not honest right from the start. Better a quick shot to the head than using your friends as entree`, main and dessert.
6. Avoid Large, Multi-level Areas:
This is just common sense when you think about it. How many times does it happen in the movies? You walk into a shopping centre thinking there’s more than enough places to hide out for a while. WRONG!!!!!!!! That’s dead people talk. Sure there are plenty of potential hiding places but there’s also plenty of open spaces and too many doors that have potential zombies behind them. Also avoid hospitals and medical centres at all cost – that’s where all the infected people went before they turned DUH!!! Danger of infection skyrockets in places like that.
7. Keep a Weapon Handy at All Times:
Baseball bat, chainsaw, machete, gun or walking stick. Anything that can be used to beat off a potential living dead. The last thing you want is to be caught in a compromising position with no weapon to defend yourself. This can also be applied to would-be thieves and other sorts of lower forms of humanity that seem to pop up when apocalyptic events occur.
8. When in doubt; GTFO!
If you find yourself in a place that feels bad. i.e. a large dark room with little light, low average exits and random echoes of shuffling and moaning; high-tail it. Roughly the same as 'When in doubt; chuck it out' except this time the food concerned is YOU. Nothing is worth the risk of winding up as a walking drool-factory hell-bent on devouring every living thing that moves and/or breathes.
9. Don't be a hero:
A hero is someone who gets people killed... or kills themselves in the process, thus becoming a Martyr.
Martyrs are bad. Especially when a majority of the human race will be dead. Or dead-dead (not a zombie but ACTUALLY dead). We don't need to help extinction along on its merry way.
10. Trust No-one:
The hardest rule to follow. Every Man For Himself can be a hard instinct to break in those of us closer to apes than others. Zombie Apocalypses can changed even the best of us into double-crossing good-for-nothing scumbags. Groups are good, groups of 'friends'... not so good.
Unless you got a friend like Natalie... or Jacqui... then you're screwed.
